A group of close girlfriends and I were having a discussion the other day about our lives. The heartaches, the struggles, the achievements and the day to day grind and joy of life. Especially over the last 15 months of COVID. at the conclusion of our conversation we all agreed on one thing . . .

Through it all, we want the LORD to be glorified. Through our past heartaches and disappointments, through our current realities, may we Glorify God and bring him honor and praise.

Then this morning, as I was praying I had the most amazing thought. I believe it was from the Holy Spirit. Maybe it’s just for me… But I wanted to share it with you all. I had been pondering and meditating and praying about my life, and my friends and family, and my community, and our nation . . . and . . . The world. That is a lot. But, I had this strange thought come into my heart out of no where (when that happens to me, I tend to pay close attention)

I felt like the Lord was asking me, to pray in a different direction. I felt prompted to pray that God would be glorified through this tough and awful situation in Afghanistan.

So, I began to pray some more for the whole situation and also for our brothers and sisters who are hiding and being hunted down in Afghanistan. I began to pray that the Lord would be glorified to the entire world through this situation. Through the stories that will come, through the martyr and deaths that surely might come, and even to the rescue and deliverance that might come.

Through it all, may God be glorified so that the whole world will see and know God. May the world see the lives and the sacrifices and faithfulness and devotion of his followers.

I am literally shaking right now and I feel like the spirit is literally bubbling inside of me with passion. I know that might sound crazy. But I feel called and convicted and compelled to pray. Pray for God to be glorified. Pray for God to be glorified through, and in, and about this entire situation. May God be glorified through the whole and the small and also all the individual stories and lives of the people suffering. May God be Glorified through those who are oppressing and persecuting them. May God be glorified. May God be glorified.

May God do what only God can do.

February 1998:

I was sitting at a stop sign, staring into space. My car was running but I was not moving. I believe I was attempting to exit a shopping mall, trying to turn left across traffic – at least that is what I think was happening. Honestly, at that moment, I wasn’t aware of what I was doing or where I was trying to go. I have absolutely no idea how long I sat there, zoned out, blanked out and staring straight ahead. Suddenly from behind me the loud honk of a car horn jerked me into the present moment. I blinked, looked around quickly and thought, “Who honked? Oh geeez, how long have I been sitting here?” It could have been minutes; it could have been hours. I was so disoriented that I was not sure what was going on. The car suddenly zoomed around me screeching his tires and barely missing my car. The driver turned his head toward me looking angry and full of disgust. He screamed obscenities out his window and angrily showed me the finger as he roared away leaving black tire marks on the road. With my heart pounding and my mind dazed and confused I said again, this time out loud, “How long have I been sitting here?” I was completely oblivious to everything around me. I tried to focus my mind and blinked my eyes to try and see clearly. Cautiously, I pulled through the intersection and wiped the tears that had now soaked the front of my face, neck and the collar of my shirt. Everything seemed to move in slow motion and I felt completely numb. My sadness and grief were quickly overtaking my entire body and spirit.

I drove to a nearby park and slowly parked the car. Taking a deep breath I pulled my son out of his car seat and placed his feet down on the ground. Trying to sound cheery I bravely said, “We are at the park buddy. Won’t we have fun?” No response. My body moved like dead weight as we headed toward the playground. My slow draggy movements completely contrasted with Brandon’s constant movement and fidgetiness. It was like trying to hold onto a puppy when he is ready to play. The day was warm, hot really, and I knew that in a few hours it would be too hot to be at the park. Blessedly, thankfully, the park was near empty. We took off for the swings because that was what we did – every time – at the park. The swings were our goal, our focus, his obsession. Brandon liked to swing on the baby swing for infinite periods of time. I put Brandon in the swing and began our routine – me pushing him and singing the one song he seemed to respond to. I couldn’t remember how many hundreds of times we had followed the same routine in the last few months. I was terrified to alter the routine – terrified of the tantrums I knew would follow if I dared to change our routine. Here we go, I thought and I began to sing to the rhythm of the swing: “A, you’re adorable, B, you’re so beautiful, C, you’re a cutie full of charm …” Brandon immediately seemed to calm down and stared off into space never once looking into my eyes.

I watched as more mothers began to arrive. They all looked fresh and clean and happy as their two or three children happily followed along and chatted with them. Each time another mother arrived, the lump in my throat grew larger and stronger … “D, you’re delightful, E, you’re exciting …” As long as I kept singing, I could somewhat keep my focus on Brandon and control my emotions. 

I was fascinated by the interactions going on between the moms and their children, some asking questions, others sharing joys. It all seemed so foreign to me … “F, you’re a feather in my arms …” My heart was breaking and I had no idea what to do about it. I wanted to scream, “Don’t you know how lucky you are? Don’t you see what a gift you have in being able to talk to your child and actually hear their voice in return?” But they all seemed absorbed in their own worlds, some chatting away on their cell phones, some scrolling through social media, completely oblivious to the creative, wonderful, enchanting things their children were saying and doing. Some were playing with their children chatting away about everything. Others were incessant talkers, as though they had an audience, actually believing that everyone at the park wanted, and needed, to hear all they had to say.

It was a confusing and strange scene taking place before me. My mind felt like mud and I couldn’t figure out what true reality was in that moment. I loved my son more than I could ever express but I could not stop the tears that fell behind my sunglasses. I vaguely wondered if my tears were obvious, if anyone noticed or cared, but then I just kept pushing that swing. I tried to hide my tears, tried to just keep singing quietly, but the tears just would not stop and my heart kept breaking and the world around me seemed to grow larger and louder as my heart (and world) continue to shatter. 

“G, you look good to me …”

The truth of the matter was, just days before, we had found out that our beautiful only son, had autism. I had absolutely no idea – standing in the middle of that park – how to make sense of any of it. Little did I know in that moment, that 23 years later I would remember with perfect clarity everything that I saw, felt and experience that first day I ventured out with the knowledge of a diagnosis. How in the world can it be 23 years? At the park I experienced profound confusion and sadness that I can barely express in words. But also on that day, I began a journey that has changed my life, brought me to my knees and taught me things about myself – and more importantly about God – that I didn’t even know I needed to learn.

And oh what a journey it has been…

The other day I received the most amazing gift. Out of the blue I received a text message from a woman I know but had not talked to in months and months. This friend reached out to me to ask if we could arrange a virtual visit. When her face popped up on the screen I could not stop smiling. Both of us had aged a year (smile) and it was so good to see her face! We spent the next hour catching up and sharing what had taken place in our lives over this last crazy year of 2020. It reminded me of a time when relationships were free and there was no “cost” to spending time together. How quickly I have forgotten the joy of being with others I enjoy.

As our time began to wind down, my friend mentioned to me that there was a reason why she wanted to reach out. She then proceeded to read to me a letter that she had written. It was obvious from the first few words of her letter that a lot of time and thought had gone into this letter. By the time she finished reading I was literally in tears. This friend had given me the most amazing gift … She had taken the time to sit down and think through the ways in which I had impacted her life over the last number of years. Her statements were not general vague statements but rather well thought out specific statements and memories. As the two of us took a little walk down memory lane, we both marveled at how God had intervened, grown fruit, used our gifts and talents – and at times meager gifts of obedience – to expand the Kingdom of God and to mold and grow our hearts and minds.

When was the last time someone took the time to thank you specifically for the ways in which you have impacted their life? Maybe I am unique but that is rare in my life. When is the last time I took the time to bless someone else with my words of thanks? It is one thing to appreciate a friend or to thank someone for a meal they brought you, or a small group they have led, it is quite another thing to actually take the time (and courage) to specifically name the ways in which that person has impact you.

There have been thousands of words that have been said and written over the last 12 months regarding how we have been isolated, “stuck at home”, settled for virtual gatherings, social distanced, lost community, missed gathering together. We all feel it and have experienced it in a deep and personal way. But in that moment with my friend, I felt as though God was smiling with me, feeling my deep appreciation for the words that were spoken to and over me. It as almost as though my friend had extended a blessing over me and blown the breath of God in my direction.

It reminded me of the powerful words of Paul in the book of Philippians:

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. (ESV)

We all need to be reminded the ways in which we have touched another.

We all need to be reminded that God is not done with us yet.

We all need to hear words of affirmation and blessing.

When was the last time you took the time to think about those in whom you are thankful? It takes time, courage, vulnerability and self searching to get out of our heads and appreciate others.

Who might God be laying on your heart to reach out to?

It is so worth it…

To add blessing upon blessing, later that afternoon, I received these gorgeous flowers as a second “thank you” from my friend.

Recently, I drove by a restaurant near my home.  Just a few months ago, this restaurant was a bustling, thriving, active place.  Often times I would drive by and see the parking lot full and people coming and going.  All of a sudden, the restaurant closed.  Poof.  It was empty. As I drove by the other day,  I was compelled to stop and take a picture of what had become of this thriving business. It was an overgrown mess.

How quickly the building, while unattended, had become overtaken by plants and weeds.  The awning that once greeted folks into a welcoming dining experience was torn and shredded.  The parking lot had weeds growing in every crack and crevice.  The plants that once looked trimmed and intriguing now covered the windows and looked out of control. I stopped,  I stared, I cried. My heart was sad and my soul was burdened. It sounds crazy but this scene literally made me sad.  I sat there wondering, what was going on. I kept thinking how much more can my heart take?

Amongst the sadness that has blanketed the last few months; Sheltering in Place, fear of catching the virus, racial injustice, protesting and anger, economic unrest, isolation, lost jobs etc. the reality of this empty restaurant, and what had become of it, jarred my soul in a deep deep place. Hmmm, interesting. Why was it making me sad?

In one sense, it was just an empty building, but in another sense it was a picture of a reality.  The reality of what happens when things are unattended to.  The grass and weeds and overgrown plants prompted questions into my heart and mind.  This restaurant may be empty, the building may no longer have a landscaper that comes to water, trim, cut back, and weed out the unwanted weeds but … what about my heart and soul? What a weird connecting thought.  Until I thought deeper …

How quickly I have seen my soul move from healthy, responsive and alive to a soul that feels numb, silent, and easily overcome with the weeds of anxiety and worry.  One day I can feel close to the Lord and see him working all around me, and the next thing I know I feel distant from the Lord.  I can move from being drawn to God’s word, moved by his truth and feeling his presence, to suddenly feeling unmotivated, distant and alone. In a span of a a short time I can be aware of others needs, serve those around me and respond in a loving way.  The next thing I know I am complaining about my needs, focused on my self and gossiping about others. If I am honest, my heart at times has also quickly become overgrown with stress, lonliness, distractions, Netflix, numbing out and wasted time.  It happens before I even recognize that it is happening.

The truth is my soul is a living being  It was created to need a constant touch from my savior, a word of truth, a watering from the Word of God, a trimming from the Spirit of God to continue to grow and be healthy.  Most days I do not pay attention to the condition of my heart.  I fail to recognize when my heart is distracted and unattended. When I take the time to stop, pay attention, take a breath,  pull back,  allow my heart to see beyond the daily stresses, sadness, and the unwillingness to “see”,  I am able to see from a new vista. This allows me the opportunity to choose to invite the Spirit into my current perspective. When this happens, I see the gardening that needs to happen; the need to pull up  weeds of sin that has been allowed to linger, and grow, and entangle my heart. The overgrowth of “things” and anxiety that have chocked out my heart. With a breath of fresh air I am able to see with clarity the areas of my heart that have become unattended. I am also able to see my heart’s protected, and limited, view from the overgrowth that I have allowed to grow in my heart.

Let’s name it what it is friends …. at times we have overgrowth and ripped up awnings in our hearts.  Instead of being led to green pastures and staying awhile to listen to the Sprit of God, we keep ourselves busy buying things, gossiping, watching TV, and surfing social media. We avoid the condition of our hearts and seek after things that will give us temporary security or feelings of happiness. When we do this we become blinded to our choked out inundated souls that need spiritual trimming and eternal watering. What is the result of all of that?  A subconscious feeling of restlessness, irritability, tiredness, overreaction, surface conversations and a general seeking after earthly things to fill our overgrown, unattended soul. It’s time to pull some weeds and to cut back some overgrowth in our hearts.

This is serious.  Weeds are dangerous.  Overgrown plants can destroy a building in a blink of an eye.  Avoiding taking care of our hearts is also serious business.  My heart needs to be with God. To be silent and listen. To fill my mind with truth. To allow the Spirit to bring me peace and love and contentment.  My guess is, so does yours.

“Where is it?” I screamed in my head.  My body was tense, I had broken out into a sweat and I was frantic.  “Oh no, oh no, oh NOOOO….where is IT?” I was pacing around our house, tearing everything apart searching for the one thing I could not find.  My Journal.  In my mind, I was replaying scenario over scenario of things I had written in that Journal.  What in the world am I going to do?  I felt shear panic.  What if someone reads it?  Oh no no no no!!!

This Journal I could not find had become my best friend, my safe place, my external-processing-safe-place where I could write whatever I was thinking, feeling, experiencing, and processing.  I had to find it.

When Brandon was first diagnosed, a friend/mentor of mine blessed me with and incredible gift.  A Journal.  It was gorgeous and just the type of journal I love.  If you know me well, you know I am a paper and pen freak.  Paper and pens make ALL the difference. The finer the paper and the smoother the ink, the better I write.  THIS Journal had the finest paper.  It was lined, and large. It laid flat.  It was perfect for me.

Ever since I was about 10 years old, I have kept a journal.  I wrote during our family vacations, I wrote when I was sad, lonely, happy, and confused.  I wrote out my prayers, my questions, my hurts and my terrors.  THIS journal was a fresh start. A brand new place to process my feelings and emotions and questions surrounding this season when life had thrown us a curveball I was not prepared for, ready for, or even willing to enter into.  I am sad when I think about all that I wrote in that journal.  I poured out my heart to the Lord; my prayers, my questions and even at times my and angry and powerful scribbles and “dots” that covered entire pages with my tears, frustrations, screams and emotional drawings when words just couldn’t come.

During this season of my life, Pat and I were struggling.  We were under so much pressure and stress. Pat was in the thick of his career and needed time to focus, rest and perform.  Pat was also an incredible dad and partner to me in figuring out Brandon’s various therapies and doctor appointments.  But we were both exhausted and stretched financially, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually and often times took out those frustrations and emotions on one another. We were stretched to capacity and didn’t have a lot of runway to land our feelings. This was such a lonely time.  There were few folks around that I felt safe enough to share my heart.

So, into my journal I poured out my heart.  My disappointments, my heartaches, my anger, my joy, my rage, my celebration of milestones and achievements, my prayers.  Day after day, month after month, year after year, I faithfully wrote in that journal.  I carried it with me wherever I went and watched over it like a precious treasure.  Over and over again I wrote out prayers laying my raw and bruised and wounded heart to the Lord.  And over and over again, Jesus met me right where I was, answering my heart cries for mercy, protection, love and the feeling of his presence.  There were some “holy ground” moments when the Spirit of God literally directed my hand as he wrote back to me his love and care for me.  Over and Over again he reminded me of his love and his faithfulness.

Then one day, the Journal was gone.  Literally gone.  It was sudden and shocking and literally unbelievable.  The Journal that I had written in for years was gone in a blink of an eye.  In the first moments it was gone, a whisper spoke into my soul.  “I took it from you, it’s time to move on.” I pushed the whisper to the side and searched and searched…for months,  I called every place I had sat and written, I searched our house from top to bottom.  No cushion, mattress, bookcase, backpack, cupboard or closet was left unturned.  I finally confessed to Pat that I couldn’t find it. His face turned ashen as the reality of all that I had written sank in. (he had never read my Journal but he had a pretty good idea of what I had written over the years)  My stressed turned to panic as I realized that I could have left that Journal anywhere, setting my family up to a lot of public exposure.  But deep in my soul and heart, I knew the truth.  God had simply taken it.  In a loving way, my heavenly Father showed me that I was “trusting” in my Journal and using it as a way to hold on to feelings that no longer edified Him and kept me spiraling in a tornado of ever circulating feelings of sadness, anger, resentment and disappointment.   I knew.  I just KNEW.  It was time to move on and to fully trust God.

It has been 13 years since I lost that Journal.  It has never been found.

Lately I have been spending a lot of time in the book of Philippians.  I always think it is sacred ground when I see a “fresh patch of grass” in a passage that I have read, studied and even taught many times before.  In reading through chapter 3 I stopped and paused.

“Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

I wondered, what Paul was “forgetting” from what “lies behind”?  Could it be his past sin – the terrorism toward the new believers? Could it be his achievements and accolades from which he could have proudly claimed his own? Was it his pain and woundedness from relationships and the past?  Whatever it was, Paul chose to forget what laid behind and to press and strain forward.

Loosing that Journal was the best thing that ever happened to me.  Although I sure would love to go back and read some details of Brandon’s early life and to see afresh his accomplishments and progress, I am so thankful that all those words are gone.  Once I accepted the fact that the Lord was nudging me to press on, I turned my focus, realigned myself with my goal of running the race set before me, and turned my face toward Jesus.  Slowly, I began to allow my heart to write a new chapter and a new book.  Can I remember those feelings I experienced?  Of Course….my heart is not capable of forgetting completely, but by choosing to press on, I allowed my heart to begin to be healed rather than being held captive my my emotions and feeling and thoughts and lies.

I have a question for you….What “lies behind” you?  What might the Spirit of God be asking you to “forget” and press on toward Him?

The other day I was praying and pouring out my heart to the Lord.  I was sad and overwhelmed with all that is going on around me and in the world.  Slowly, quietly and in a simple small voice, I heard the Holy Spirit remind me of a snippet of a verse from Isaiah …” I will give you beauty for ashes” My spirit sat up and paid attention.

I stopped and listened and waited.  I didn’t want to miss what the Lord was whispering to my heart.  I got out my Bible and began to look for the verse I had memorized so many years ago….

And then my heart remembered.  Remembered all the times that the Lord had been faithful in the past.  When I was certain that I was surrounded by ashes and everything had burned up…..here came beauty.  Maybe not the beauty I had wanted or prayed for but in the end it was the Lord’s beauty.  Let me share with you one story…

It was the summer of 1995 and I was standing in our bathroom with a total look of shock on my face.  I didn’t know how to feel. Of course I was excited, thrilled, amazed, happy but the timing seemed off.  I was staring at the stick that was telling me that we were pregnant.  I was happy because this was what I had longed for, prayed for, hoped for and desired more than anything.  I was shocked and scared and uneasy because we had been trying for a long long time and my mind could not wrap around the truth that I was, at last pregnant.  After all the prayers, tears, urgency and watching the years pass by, it had finally come to pass….we were going to have a baby.  So why was I feeling scared and uneasy? Because the timing was so confusing. I was in the midst of deep confusing grief of death.  It was June 1995 and I was a mess.  After some really tough years, Pat and I had moved to Charlotte and we were trying to rebuild our relationship from a trying time. (another story for another time)  We had been trying to get pregnant for years (also a long story for another time) and here I stood, staring at a stick telling me the news of our positive pregnancy test. I was thrilled, and so excited but, this reality came with a lot of mixed emotions because it came at a time of some excruciating heartache and loss.  Let me back up just a little bit…

Over the last few month, Pat had been driving back and forth to Greensboro to fight for the life (literally) of his best and closest friend David.  Pat met David after college and they became close friend.  David was in our wedding and also sang to, and over, us during the ceremony.  He was as close as a brother and a confidant to the soul of my husband.  David developed a brain tumor and was suffering. This was heartbreaking and unfathomable for Pat who had been driving back and forth to Greensboro to pray for healing, sit with, visit, and care for David along with a tribe of godly folks who formed a community of believers coming along side their friend and brother.  Slowly David began to lose his fight and it seemed like the Lord was calling him home.  We were heartbroken and confused and frustrated.

When we knew the time was near, Pat took time off of work to be available, and near, David. During these few days, Pat stayed in Greensboro. We were overcome with grief. While he was gone, I received a call from his boss.  She gently and graciously told me the awful news that Pat was losing his job.  This was at the beginning of the dot.com era and layoffs were happening everywhere.  Pat’s boss asked me for advice about what to do.  She needed to communicate to Pat that he was losing his job (devastating) but she knew he was in Greensboro sitting in mourning as he watched his best friend graciously and wisely and humbly move toward death.  As I spoke with Pat’s boss, I was in shock, stunned, scared, angry, confused and at a loss as to what to do. Here we were in the throws of grief and sadness (and confusion) over the death of David and now we received the awful news about Pat’s job at a time when it seemed like the whole world was losing their jobs. I could not stop shaking and pacing around the house muttering to myself – “What are we going to do?”.

I didn’t know it at the time, but as I sat in the amazing Memorial Service for David , I was already pregnant.  As we  listen to literally hundreds of people speak of David and his impact on their life, Pat and I wept.  We were overcome with such sadness.  Pat had come to believe in Jesus in his early 20’s and David had been a godly example, a loyal friend, a wise counselor and a brother in Christ to him.  This had been life giving and anchoring for his soul.  The sadness of losing David was a huge loss.

So here I was, two days later, standing in my bathroom, staring at the stick that told me we were pregnant.  This was not exactly what I had dreamed about or longed for….hearing this news at the same time as experiencing the death of a treasured friend and the loss of a job and income.  Pat and I embraced and cried and stood there stunned, excited, scared, and totally at a loss for how to react or feel. And so, as I usually do when I am confused scared and a bit on edge, I dug into scripture and poured my heart out to God. It felt like grief upon grief – ashes upon ashes.

But…out of those ashes, came birth and life.  9 months later our precious and amazing Brandon was born. (His middle name is named after David). Out of the darkest, scariest time was birthed new life, joy and answer to prayer.  Maybe our answers did not seem exactly like we had hoped and prayed and dreamed of, but new life and new birth was created. Beauty from ashes…..

Today, as I sit here in my backyard typing this, I look around me at the gorgeous blue sky and I listen to the birds chirping. Certainly the world around us if full of death and crisis and germs and viruses and uncertainty. But over and over again the Lord leads my mind back to that moment, 24 years ago, when in the midst of sadness and loss, new life was birthed.  I wonder, when we look back on this time in our lives (and we will ALL have a story to tell) what will we understand as new birth and new life? I wonder, what is God doing in my heart and soul right now as I experience loneliness, isolation, fear, frustration and heartache that someday I will see as “new life and new birth”.

Don’t miss it my friends…Don’t miss what God is doing in your heart and soul in the midst of the confusion, loss and uncertainty.  Beauty from Ashes…… HIS Beauty…

Press On, Run the Race….

The other morning, I was sitting at my table reading and meditating on God’s word.  I was thinking about the fact that even though I have all this time at home now, Sheltered at Home, the days seem to fly by and sometimes I feel as though I have not accomplished a thing.  My heart and soul long to be in God’s word.  I know that the Word is where I find food for my heavy heart, and my longing soul, in the midst of so much chaos in the world right now.  Suddenly, a couple of birds landed on the feeder outside my window.  Did I mention that the wind is howling through the mountains today and that our home is literally shaking from the power of the wind?  All of a sudden, I observed that these precious birds, who can only weigh a few ounces, were clinging on to the feeder for dear life.  They were bound and determined to get some food even though the feeder was swinging in the air and twisting around and around.  Through it all, they were dogged in their attempt to get to the food. Why?  Because if they don’t have the food, they will starve.

These birds are just like me, trying to hold onto the truth, and the foundation of the word – and my savior Jesus – in the midst of the turbulence of the wind.  Right now my circumstances are billowing me back and forth and spinning me around, but just like these birds are diligently going after the food and hanging on for dear life, I am trying to do the same. Hanging on to Jesus, diligently going after my soul food, the word of God and focusing my heart.

On this Good Friday, may we hang on to the truth that Jesus was determined, and focused, and obedient to go to the cross for us so that we can have a relationship with him, forgiveness, and eternal life.  As the earth went black, and earthquakes rolled, rocks split open, and the veil of the temple was torn, a new birth was happening and it was pointing to the resurrection.

Hang on dear friends.  Hang on in the midst of the wind and feast on the truth of God’s word… it is worth it.  Sometimes we just don’t realize how hungry our souls are…

A Divine Pause…

Recently I heard a speaker ask a very good question.  Has the Lord placed the earth in a moment of Divine Pause?  Over the last few weeks, my heart has been stirred in ways that I have never experienced before in my life.  As I “Shelter at Home” I find myself with a lot of time on my hands.  I am working from home, caring for those in my world as best as I can and trying to stay healthy.  I know that my life is very different from some in my community who are trying to work from home, care for children, homeschool their kids who are usually in school, loving on their families, cleaning their houses and trying to keep everyone on track/busy during this isolated time at home. As I have pondered and meditated on God’s word, the Lord has taken me over and over to the book of Exodus, to the first Passover. I can’t help but think about the similarities between what I am going through and what was happening in Exodus.

Let me quickly give you a little background on the story. In the book of Exodus, the Israelite nation is living in Egypt – a long way away from the land that the Lord had given to them in Canaan.  They had lived in Egypt for a long long time and had eventually become slaves to the Egyptians. But, the Lord had promised to release them from slavery and to return them to the land he had promised them.

God selected Moses to lead them out but the Pharaoh would not let them leave.  So God sent different plagues upon Egypt, but he still refused to let them go. He was a very stubborn man. The people continued to cry out to the Lord to deliver them. In Chapter 12 the story comes to the first Passover.  After 10 plagues wreaked havoc on the Egyptians and their land, the Lord was ready to bring this to an end and free his people. So he gave them very specific instructions.  God made it clear that from now on, things were going to be different.  Here were his instructions.  On the 10^th day of this month, choose a specific animal (described in the verses).  On the 14^th day, at twilight, slaughter the lamb or goat and take the blood from the animal and smear it on the sides and top of the doorframe of their home. Then, they were to “Shelter at Home” and share a feast together as a family.  This was the first Lord’s Passover.

God was getting ready to “Passover” Egypt.  During the night, the first born of each family would die. “But the blood on your doorposts will serve as a sign, marking the houses where you are staying.  When I see the blood, I will pass over you and the plague of death will not touch you.” (12:13) There are many reasons and explanations for why God took this terrible action against Egypt … but that is not my purpose in writing at this time.  What I want to focus on is this.  Just like the Israelites were told to “Shelter at Home” to wait for death to pass over, we are being called to Shelter at Home to wait for the virus to pass over us.

Just as the Israelites waited in fear for the terrible plague to “Passover” their home, so we too wait, sometimes with great fear, for this pandemic to pass over us.  The Israelites were told to mark their homes almost like a protective shield against death.  But before it would all come to an end, they were told to wait, eat, and be together as a family. They were also told that each year, they were to mark this event.  They were instructed to remember how God had saved them and protected them and this became the Feast of the Unleavened Bread or Passover. What happened as a result?  The Pharaoh begged them to leave and the people marched out of Egypt and began their long journey home.

Here we are, in March 2020 and we are called to Shelter at Home.  We are not being asked to put blood on our door frame, neither are we being promised by God that no one in our household will be touched by the COVID-19 virus.  But I wonder something. Is God offering us a Divine Pause?  Just as the Israelites protected their homes with blood, we can “put on the full armor of God” to protect our minds and hearts during this time. We need that FULL armor of God to protect ourselves from the arrows and darts of our enemy.  The enemy that wants to discourage us, remind us of lies we have believed for years, inflame us to anger and irritation, distract us, tempt us to whine and complain and focus on everything that is wrong around us?  Is the enemy trying to keep us discouraged, paralyzed by fear and anxiety? There is nothing like a COVID-19 virus to remind us that we actually control very little of our lives.

During this time, emotions are high.  It is part of being human.  There is much to fear, loss and grief is real. We ours dealing with something that we have never experienced before.  But I wonder, is God calling us to “wait” like the Israelites were asked to wait until the death passed over?  Maybe.  I believe that God is working in our hearts on a VERY individual and personal level right now.  But for me, I wonder, is God asking me to Shelter at Home, “wait” and protect myself by putting on the full armor of God again and again and again?

The truth is, we live in a broken world.  I heard my friend Palmer say, “We entered into this crisis as broken people.  Now we find ourselves in the midst of a pandemic crisis in a broken world.” I certainly don’t have all the answers.  My thoughts are not complete nor do I say I have “A Word from The Lord” but I ponder, and meditate and I lean in as best I can to listen to the Spirit of God.  What is he saying to you right now?  Is God asking you to shelter and wait and arm yourself?

What does “waiting” look like right now?  It certainly does not mean to do nothing. The Israelites were busy during their time of waiting and a beautiful amazing Seder Feast was born.  Here we are entering into Palm Sunday and Easter.  Jesus celebrated the Passover right before he was arrested and eventually crucified.  But guess what????  He’s alive.  He rose from the dead.  Hallelujah.  Amen and Amen.  As we celebrate Easter this year, Sheltered at Home, can we seek God for how he wants us to wait?

Wait upon the Lord my friend.  Wait upon him.  Arm yourself with the Word of God, with the belt of truth (not lies), a shield against the enemy (your faith), with feet that are ready to serve others, with a helmet of salvation (remembering that we are God’s children). Remember … always remember, that God defeated death.  His Spirit is with us, leading us, reminding us, speaking truth into our hearts in the midst of a very hard time…..

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Ps 27:14

March 15, 2020

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Rom. 12:1-2, ESV)

It feels like we live in a world that is uncertain and in chaos. The stock market is falling, grocery shelves are empty, schools and restaurants are closing, churches are meeting virtually and we are isolated in our homes unsure of what will happen next. We find ourselves in a new (ab)normal; stressed, worried, fearful and wondering when it will all end.

Desperation can lead us to the one who can meet us at our deepest need. Let’s take a minute to look at Romans 12:1.

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”

What might spiritual worship look like for us during these stressful times?

Paul appeals to us to present ourselves to God as a living sacrifice. Sacrifice in times as scary and uncertain as these can seem a bit jarring. What would it look like to seek God for what he has for our hearts and minds as we now have to work from home, manage kids who are out of school, create new schedules, battle loneliness and fear, worry about an unknown virus that could affect us or those we that love, and wrestle with anxiousness about the future? It can all feel very overwhelming.

In the midst of all of this uncertainty, what would it look like to present ourselves to God?

How might we offer our bodies and our lives as a sacrifice to God and therefore offer spiritual worship to him?

As we offer God our fears, our anxieties and our desire for stability in a time of craziness, we sacrifice our control to him. We are, in essence, offering praise to the God who is worthy of our praise, is faithful and good, and is in control of all things.

Paul goes on to state, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.”

Paul tells us to not be conformed to the world.

In what ways is the current chaos in our world affecting your mind?

Where do you sense God asking you to renew your mind?

The Greek word used in this verse for “renew” is the idea of “renovating” something. In other words, Paul is telling us to “renovate” or to “make new” our minds. Our thoughts need to be renovated, not just temporarily tweaked. We need to ask the Lord to renew/renovate our minds so we will trust him with our fears, our anxieties and every part of our life. Paul says through the “renovation” of our mind we will be transformed. Reading God’s word and meditating on his character is one way our minds can be renewed and our life transformed. When we fill our thoughts with truth it will affect our minds. Praying for our needs and the needs of others is another way we can “renovate” our minds and be transformed.

Without a doubt, the Lord is with us through these times. What an opportunity we have to move towards him in the midst of our fear, uncertainty, loneliness, sickness and sadness. As we lean into him, we will find him faithful to meet our every need.

How can we be a light to others in the midst of a time that seems so dark?

There are many ways to sacrificially extend “light,” love and help to those around us. We can also remember to pray for those who are on the front lines battling the coronaviru,s providing medical care, leadership and hope to those in need.

“Lord Jesus, I come to you now with my worry, my fear, my loneliness, my anxiety about a future that is unknown, and my desire to control things that are out of my control. Lord, thank you for being a good God who never leaves us or forsakes us. Continually remind us that you are still on the throne and in control. Help us to draw near to you. Reveal to us the areas of our life that need to be renewed and given to you as an offering of spiritual worship and praise. Renovate our minds so that we may be transformed by you. Lead and guide us through these uncertain times. Grant us peace that surpasses all understanding and comfort that only you can provide.  In your Name. Amen.”R